CHANGE NUMBER FIVE: THE DAMN SINK

I am one of those people who has lived in New York for many years without a dishwasher. Since I live alone, I have always thought a dishwasher would waste way too much water and I would feel guilty about it. This, however, is not been enough to help me keep my sink free of dishes. I would go days at at time, watching breakfast, dinner, snack and, yes even dog plates pile up until I could tell from the mess what I had eaten (and my dogs too) for a week.

So....for the last three days my sink has been PRISTINE. Not a spoon, or pan or dish has lasted past midnight of the day before. I can actually see that the sink is made of stainless steel...and today I POLISHED IT.

RESULT

I feel like a grownup. I may have no money in the bank and precious little going on in my life, but my sink is under control. My mother - who would not go to bed until you could eat off the floor in her kitchen - is probably watching from somewhere, incredulous. Hey ma, I did it! The sink is clean! Now for my bedroom.....

CHANGE NUMBER FOUR: TOUCHING MYSELF

This sounds much kinkier than I intended, but it comes from something easy I tried this morning. I gave myself a 20 minute leg, arm, neck and shoulder massage. I have a lot of places in my body that hurt to touch, but as I worked through them (especially my legs) the pain dissipated. I also worked on the bottom of my spine, on either side, digging in with my thumbs. I remember reading somewhere that you are supposed to go towards the heart, so I tried that and I really worked all the muscles I could reach. And, for once, I remembered to breathe and did so at every place that held even the slightest tension. Then I took a REALLY hot shower.

RESULT

I got energized really early, earlier than normal. I wonder if I can do this a couple of times a week - it made a difference in my day.

CHANGE NUMBER 3 - Asking for what I need

I always feel guilty asking people for things. In the last year, I have overextended myself while my earning opportunities shrank (it could not be helped). I am in the process of asking people to loan me 2500-3000 apiece, to be repaid with interest, by mid-2009. It gives me incentive to keep working and to work smarter than I have, and I am already talking to people, having coffee, making money-making plans, meeting with a group of women to define career goals, and have been doing so for a month. Rather than hiding in my apartment. I am not a natural where this is concerned, so let's see what happens.



RESULT

I will keep you posted.

CHANGE NUMBER TWO: MAKEUP

I have never worn a lot of makeup. My parents left me the genetic advantage of good, clear skin (since high school and a few ultraviolet acne treatments, anyway) and I always liked the way my face always looked healthy in winter. Now, however, I need moisturizer and something to go on top of it. Maybe my mother discouraged makeup too much, or my hippie ways did not allow for it.

Now is the time. I bought mineral makeup that goes on and smooths out any imperfections and some blush to match. I finally sharpened an eye liner crayon that has been sitting in its package since at least 1995. It takes me 7 minutes to do all this plus lipstick and I am done and, guess what, it actually makes a difference. I feel better, anyway. Like a grownup.

RESULT

I went to the movies with a friend and suddenly realized she was staring at me. "I'm wearing makeup", I said. "It looks GOOD," she said. That was enough encouragement for me to keep going.

CHANGE NUMBER ONE 1/1/09 SMILE, PLEASE!

I am going to smile more. I realize, looking at my face in the mirror, that my jowls are on a dowward spiral and that small dent between my eyes is deepening into a ravine. This is from years of free-floating anxiety and worry and sleeplessess; something I will talk about another time. Since I am not your biggest fan of plastic surgery, I figure I can improve things slightly by paying attention to how I use the muscles in my face. As I watch myself practice, I can already see the lines beginning to retrench. And since I believe that feeling follows form, perhaps more people will smile back and then, because I get encouraged, my smile will become more automatic. At least I hope so.

RESULT

So far, the muscles in my face feel like they have been working out all day. Heating pad, please!